love in other places

i’m tired … working two jobs … six days a week … i need my rest … so enjoy the photo and i’ma holla at yall on MONDAY … love, love

can i share more church words with you? i’m dating a church … ironically enough … it’s called … the LOVE center … or is it fate?

well two sundays ago the pastor gave a sermon entitled “dream again” … which was about barack, martin, and all the rest of us … and how we shouldn’t give up on our dreams. here’s what i took from it …

how to recognize a DIVINE dream that GOD has placed in your breast:
1) does it stretch you? — does it force you to leave your comfort zone? does it require you to need other people and resources?

2) does it embrace change — will this dream alter your future? does it encompass much transition?

3) is it people-oriented? — the dreams God places in us usually impact others in humanity (for the better).

4) does your dream use your unique talents and gifts? — only you know how well you play internet scrabble … does your dream involve those skills that no one else possesses but you? and if you paint … no one else paints like you. it’s like a fingerprint.

5) does it awaken your passion? — do you lose track of time when you pursue this dream? is your spirit fulfilled in a way that money and things have never been able to fill you?

6) will it bring glory to God?

7) does it stick to you? — even after 20 years do you still dream about it? can you not shake it? does it follow you to whatever job you go to? have you thought about it since you were little?

what dreams will do to you:
1) inspire preparations — when you are in love with your dream you are motivated to do all the dirty work to make it happen.

2) inspire focus — personal discipline inspired by personal vision; someone with a clear vision lives a narrow life. i can’t speak for you … but when i’m living the dream (right now) i am more interested in doing my art than partying or hanging out … and also staying focused on the dream gets me through the dirty work.

3) inspire hope — a dream a.k.a. a visualization of your future can keep your spirits up because usually a dream is a beautiful picture of where you want to be … it’s when that picture leaves our mind that we begin to falter and doubt.

4) inspire patience — pastor said DREAMS ARE MADE TO COME TRUE (else why would we have them) BUT … you never know WHEN they are going to come true.

5) amalgamate people — dreams bring people together and inspire unity; your dream probably requires OTHER people than yourself either to get you hired, to read your script, to listen to your motivational speaking, to buy your book etc.

what do manasseh and ephraim have to do with dreaming? manasseh and ephraim were the sons of joseph – from the bible – and joseph was sold by his brothers into slavery because he had a dream. joseph later became the right hand of the pharoah and was reunited with his family.

are you stopping yourself from attaining your own dreams because you can’t get over how people have wronged you or harmed you or challenged your dream?

manasseh means — the Lord has called me to forget …

are you not pursuing your dream because america is unjust? are you mad at the united states of hypocrites? is it this country’s fault we have so little?

ephraim means — the Lord allowed me to prosper in the land of my affliction …

i’m the first to jump up and anounce that the united states of atrocities is the LAND OF MY AFFLICTION … it is my EGYPT … it is slavery of the mind … BUT God STILL allows me to prosper. many have tried to stop me.

go forth … and dream … and this time … don’t stop … don’t let it shrivel and die … like a …………………………

(yes, i did once play ruth in raisin in the sun … so i know what happens to a dream deferred.)

1. i served monica (the singer!) at my 2nd job last night. she was GORGEOUS. and sweet! her skin is flawless. i referenced monica in one of the first blogs i wrote … don’t take it personal … cuz her first hit single and my blog were about the same thang … chicken wangs. nah not chicken.

2. third serving job on deck. should be finalized this week … last week i worked several doubles. what is a double for all you 9-5 folk? it’s two shifts combined which can mean a 12-18 hour workday. try three of those in a row. needless to say i was exhausted this weekend and blogging will suffer. cuz until yall pay me for this my paying job and my health come first. so in the next few weeks you may see less blogs per week. but the quality might just improve … LOL

3. ooooooh i read a good book in five minutes. it’s like 20 pages … you people know you want to be smarter so start small. it’s called “who moved my cheese?” it’s been around for a minute; you may have heard of it and dismissed it but it’s kinda good. it’s all about how to deal with change … cuz if i know one thing for certain and two things for sure: EVERYTHING changes.

4. i am still in love with my life … despite the struggle and the LACK. i used to avoid planning my week out cuz i hated my old jobs and i didn’t want to think about moving forward through life if i was going to have to go back to that same job day in and day out. … and i was frickin immature. but lately i look forward to mondays cuz i plan my week. i write down some small goals i want to accomplish. i list all the bills that remain unpaid just so i can lay them before God and release all my worry to him. i write down folks i have to call and email. i love my life now cuz i love how purposeful i feel. i am my own business. i am my own entity. i feel empowered to make plans regarding my paintings and my writing. i did not like planning when i felt disconnected from its purpose. but these days i feel my life is my own (i am still in the bed writing you at 2:29 in the afternoon ya dig).

5. i love those underworld movies. third one just came out!!!! and soon as i get ten dollars (disposable cash) i am in that theater b*tches. look how i’m trying not to be vulgar by not full-on cursing. my favorite is actor, bill nighy (see pic), who just gives an impeccable performance. the way he says the word “affairs” is … insane.

6. my first job is full of haters. they jacked my schedule up cuz they hate me. they want to break me. they talk about me. they lie on me. they want to see me lose it. they mess with the little money they pay me. they hate me cuz i refuse to hate THEM. i pray for them … no weapon formed against me shall prosper. and since they took all my lunch shifts away maybe i will be blogging. guess you just have to come and visit again …

7. some people have to get better at tipping … just cuz my restaurant is out of the sea bass and the tilapia … and the salmon was undercooked … that’s not the server’s fault! sure, some of you know this … and your pregnant wife still ate all of her lamb chops and loved it and my owner comped your salmon … so a ZERO tip is not acceptable. i don’t COOK the food nuggats (i stole this word from someone but he don’t read this blog so ….) … i just BRING the food. i aint mad cuz some people just aint used to tipping … but i’m in the building now … and i’ma always help you get yo mind RIGHT!

love,
me-on-a-monday

i did not coin that cutie phrase; it’s the work of some dude named dr. albert ellis … and i discovered it in the book “depression for dummies” which i told you about in a previous blog .

it appears that “the depressed mind more often than not acquires a nasty habit of making harsh, critical judgements about almost anything you do, thus deepening depression …” (pg. 96) yes, i was so guilty (and sometimes still am) of this habit. i used to should on myself in public places. i used to should on myself EVERY DAY. i used to should on myself so much i was covered in should. anyway here’s some prime examples …

- I should have known better.
- I should be more careful.
- I shouldn’t even have thoughts like that!
- I shouldn’t have eaten that cake!
- I shouldn’t be saying should so much!! (this one i came up with by myself and literally do say to myself all the others are from pg. 96 in the book)

i don’t know if you should on yourself a lot or a little but … you SHOULDN’T! lol jus playin but it is a nasty habit … here’s an alternative to shoulding …

- I would like to have done a better job
- I wish I hadn’t eaten that donut and will try not to in the future …

i know sometimes you have to wipe your own butt, kick your own ass, suck it up … blah blah … but do you have to be SO hard on yourself? where does it really get you? for me … i always set myself up for failure because my standards were acutally too high. do you have to be SO hard on yourself?

no. i don’t want to be beaten by my own thoughts and covered in my own should.

my favorite inauguration moment is very obscure because i watched the most random coverage etc. i don’t like to watch people watching parades and such so … no, i didn’t even hear the whole speech. i got barack’s back just cuz of the way he look at his wife. ANYWAY my favorite part was when they interviewed beyonce backstage after she sang the etta james song, “at last.” cuz that’s when beyonce was the most honest, emotional and unscripted as i’ve ever seen. my favorite part is when she said: “he [barack obama] makes me want to be smarter …” i have video …

and yes, i thought it was funny (cuz it woulda been nice for her to want to be smarter just in general) but i also thought it was sweet cuz it was very truthful. and i’ve already seen this notion percolating in others. so, i’m calling it.

cuz of barack it is now going to be cool again to:
1. be a good daddy
2. be a good husband
3. be smart and do well in school
4. volunteer in your community

and that’s more than enough for me.

(oh, is today inauguration day. congrats obamas & god bless!)

have i mentioned that i found a church i like in atlanta. i’ve been 3 times now and i’ma just keep going until something changes … like i change my mind and don’t like it or my spirit leads me to become a member. we’ll see. for me, joining a church is like committing to a romantic relationship. i just gotta see first …

no matter what my future is with this church i’ve learned a lot from the pastor already. i want to share some of a sermon he did about quitting … it wasn’t really about QUITTING which is why i gave this blog a different title. it’s more about … knowing when you need to end a situation in your life and knowing when you need to persevere. because Christians are big on never giving up and always having faith i don’t want people to misunderstand this message — there are times when God wants you to move on and let go.

10 signs that you may need to quit:
1. staying in the situation is having negative effects on the loved ones around you (i.e. cigarettes!)

2. it is a lesser priority not allowing you to focus on a greater priority (you know when something you are consumed with is taking up time that you could be using for something else that is more important)

3. the passion is gone (in his words he said quitting is not based on problems and pressure but loss of passion; pastor described passion as being of the spirit of God; it is the invisible drive that pulls you toward your situation) — have you ever looked down at your lover and said why am i still here? when i know the passion is gone? have you ever looked up from your desk at work wondering why you are still there?

4. it is outside of the will of God — only you can know …

5. your Grace is gone/the season is over (when you don’t have the grace to deal with the situation anymore) — when you find yourself losing your cool about things that you used to handle gracefully it’s time to bow out

6. the assignment is finished (sometimes we know when our role is no longer necessary; you have seen a situation resolve itself)

7. when God has opened another door for you (don’t run out and quit yo job all willy nilly)

8. you are on to something greater and higher (not a lateral move doggy)

9. you have great peace about quitting (despite sadness over ending a situation your spirit somehow feels lighter and RELEASED)

10. when you realize you’re trying to do something only God can do (i realized that cigarettes cannot bring me calm … only the Lord)

when i was in a dark place … i was daunted by how far i seemed to be from achieving my dreams. i only saw lots of struggle stretched out in front of me. dreams can take a long time and a lot of work … and just the thought of it would wear me out. i haven’t been like that for some time but i remember how far i’ve come. i’m proud to say that i am proceeding with my dream … i have secured a second waitressing job. i have started to advertise my writing and editing services on craigslist as a third hustle. i am linked up with a catering company as a fourth growth opportunity … i am proud to say that i am pretty good as a starving, struggling artist. i pray a lot. i budget. i have faith. it’s one thing to see yourself doing something in the future … and it’s another to wake up and stare your present predicaments in the mirror. it is part of my dream to MASTER the service industry and MASTER the world outside of 9-5 in order to one day earn my living as an artist. that means being the master of my days off … being the master of self-discipline … the master of time-management … and the master of my budget.

this life is not easy. i prayed, prayed, prayed. and prayed some more … it’s the ONLY thing that is getting me through life. God answers my prayers. he comforts me when i am crying my eyes out. i literally feel him surrounding me after i pray. and during.

this is my covenant with the LORD: i do my best at all times. he does the rest.

period. what does doing my best mean? you already know. you know your heart. you know when you are slacking and when you are doing your best. you know you need to eat, sleep and play. you are not slacking if you take time for your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. YOU know when you are slacking. now … depressed folks tend to skew reality and are actually not good judges of whether they are slacking. if you think you might be depressed you should find out so that you can help yourself. erybody else — YOU KNOW!

my dream is not done when i become a working artist … i will use the money i make as a painter and writer to build schools for students who are often labeled “unteachable” … they will be residential and day schools in the U.S. and the continent of Africa … these schools will be like private schools and alternative schools but they will be FREE for all low-income students. i also dream of eliminating poverty. i dream of inspiring all individuals to maximize their own unique potential so that they will be happy and in accord with their destiny and the will of God. i think that all of my dreams ultimately leave the world a better place.

this blog was not supposed to be this long … i was gonna tell you about my job and that’s it.

thank you dr. martin luther king jr. for living and dreaming.

and they say global warming isn’t real … but 38 below is very real … no, silly, the earth is not just getting warmer, al gore TOLD US that we would see more EXTREME range in temperatures … you know — colder winters, hotter summers, and extreme erratic fluctuations in temp … any of yall seen any of that lately? well, you can lie to yourself but i seen it with my own two eyes … i just had to put it on record. erybody want to act like this weather is NORMAL. it’s not. it might become the new normal … sigh. read the article if you get a moment.

i’m late on this … i know. this show is now in it’s 2nd season? maybe. well, i loved the keyshia cole show “the way it is” and not for the usual reasons. not erybody loves the show – they find neffe and crew to be loud and annoying … this may be true for some but i think i love neffe the best. i really respect a woman who gives her testimony … on national TV she revealed that she was a victim of rape and sexual abuse. that’s the LORD. she is a shining light for other little girls who have been abused. she is corageous. sure she cussed out her baby daddy in front of her baby and instigated that whole argument but that’s the whole point … she is far from perfect … but she is getting in touch with her issues. i like to watch her going to therapy with her man and her mama … i like her mama airing her ex-drug addict ways … it shows how far she’s come … that’s GOD. i love that show because the emotion is real. i have known so many families like keyshia cole’s who have been ravaged and torn apart by drugs. it’s a miracle that her mom is CHANGED. the whole show promotes change, growth, and personal development … as well as family and love. also on the show keyshia is always doing something for the community — and that’s real love. lastly … keyshia always references God in all that she does and in all of her achievements. i love people grounded in the spirit. i’ve only seen about 7 episodes … i might not see more cuz i’m just not big on TV but i fux with that show.

first, in international news … here are the pics of my daughter’s room upgrade. i promised you visuals … this is to encourage parents everywhere that no matter how long it takes – it took me 2 years – you can still upgrade your child’s room on a budget and a long-term timeline. here’s the new desk w/ hutch (yes, the hutch is extra; rooms-to-go outlet sale!):

the canopy is hot … i kinda want one on my bed … and it reminded me that every daughter is a princess.

and in other breaking new around the world … it appears that mike tyson is officially overweight? i think he can carry it … if he goes another 100 pounds … i can’t speak on it … is it ironic to anyone else that mike is at a bathing ape event in this photo?