love in other places

it’s that crazy love book again.  the book drew me to another bible passage that really connected with a nerve in my body and a golden place in my soul. 

love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  love never ends…

                                                                        –1 Corinthians 13:4-8

on september 6th of 2008 i wrote a blog about love wisdom i had received from the writings of a man named don miguel ruiz.  don miguel, who admits that he believes in and draws truths from Jesus Christ, defined love with the exact same characteristics as this passage above from the bible.  the amazing part is that don miguel is not technically ‘christian’ (or is he??) but he is actually a nagual (spiritual leader) within the Toltec faith.  his love wisdom is taken from a variety of spiritual influences but mainly Toltec. 

my thing is … how are they EXACTLY the same?  i mean conceptually.  they don’t use all the same words but the ideas are the same. when don miguel says love has no obligations it is the same when the bible says “(love) … is not irritable or resentful.”  we do not resent when we do not have expectations (see obligations) of love.  when don miguel says love has respect and does not pity it is the same as the bible saying, “love bears all things … endures all things.”  don miguel simply states, also, that love is patient.  and when he describes love as detached that corresponds with the bible when it states, “(love) … does not insist on its own way.”

now, i have to go finish reading this crazy love book cuz i am really loving it right now.   my spirit is getting swollen from feeding on all this insight!

‘come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow.  for what is your life?  it is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.’ 

–james 4:13 (as in the BIBLE)

i was reading crazy love book when this passage came into my life.  what shocked me is not the ‘tomorrow is not promised’ concept but the language.  whoever james was … he talks like we would in modern times.   you know — i’ll  move to spain, live there a year, get a job and …. make money and have a stable life.  of course it is no coincidence that the CRAZY LOVE BOOK has come into my life.  i am not done reading it so i’m not ready to talk about it.  but you know it’s my favorite topic — LOVE.  and you might be surprised … it might not be the love you’re thinking of.  it’s definitely love in an ‘other’ place.  maybe in a third dimension …

this is a true story.

i go to church today and the choir sings about deliverance.  and then the pastor goes off on an unplanned talk about deliverance.  it is coming.  sometimes you have to wait on it.  sometimes you have to tarry with God about it.  but it is coming.  in fact, the whole point of the sermon was that it’s already been delivered.  jesus already paid for it.  but you have to believe and freedom isn’t free.  hmm.  wasn’t i JUST talking about something like that.  is anything an accident?

just wanted you to know what had happeneded to me today.

the only reason i am talking about my poverty today is because i feel that God is going to deliver me.  i feel in every cell of my body that God is fit’na change all of my circumstances.  the kernels are percolating.  seeds!

i have been living hand to mouth.  last night i made $20.  i’m down to one job so my weekly income is the cost of your monthly cable bill.  i’m not trying to shame myself with revealing all this.  i am saying that through it all i praise God.  cuz no matter how broke i got, i was never broken.  i was never starving.  i was hungry but not famished. 

lately i only make enough to eat and pay for gas.  they wanted to reposess my car a month ago.  i had to borrow a lot for that one.  i paid honda and the personal loan off eventually so that set me further back in rent.  i still owe for APRIL.  it’s july.  my car insurance relapsed and by the grace of the good Lord i was able to borrow money to get it back.  God is about to restore all of my stuff.  and I praise him because in all honesty he showed me that i don’t need that stuff.  i am happy to be able to pay bills again and have a social life and take a vacation and get my eyebrows waxed and buy an item of clothing once a month but … it all feels so … and i pause when i say this cuz it feels surreal …  unnecessary.  i respect these luxuries more.  and i am not sure i NEED them but i very much WANT them.  well, what amazes me is how God can restore it all.  as quickly as they went, they will return.  i am definitely struggling financially right now but my spirit has never been more at peace.  i am not worried. 

no, i don’t know WHEN i’m going to get a job.  but i WILL.  i don’t know WHICH job it will be but it will be the right one.  no, i don’t know when i will pay my rent.  but i WILL.  no, i don’t know how i will pay my car insurance for july.  but i WILL.  no, i don’t know how i’m going to eat next week.  but i WILL.  no, i don’t know how i’m going to pay my lawyer his $500 balance.  but i WILL.  no, i don’t know when i’m going pay off all my credit card debt totalling over $7,000.   but i WILL.  no, i don’t know where i might be living in a month.  but i WILL.  BE LIVING!

and i wanted to thank God and praise him for all that i have right now.:

 remixed hand soap.  toilet paper.  bath soap.  shampoo.  underwear.  laundry detergent.  a lil bit of dish detergent.  shoes.  feet.  cetaphil face wash.  beefaroni.  cell phone.  internets!  cables.  tilex surface cleaner.  AC.  lotion.  my daughter.

boy, i love lotion.  especially in summer.  i feel so blessed.  i feel overwhelmed by all that i have.  i feel surrounded by my necessities.  i feel like the little engine that could.  it don’t take much to keep me running.  and one day … God is going to bless me even more abundantly.  because God loves me right now and will love me forever.  because my God wants to show you how he can pull a yam out of a brick road.  i am claiming it. 

he will.  she already did.  i am.