love in other places

ok so the sermon was not about hill harper or his new book, ‘the conversation.’  but i left my sermon notes at home and this book is on my mind.  i started reading it in the bookstore saturday.  i am post-book signing phenomena.  you know hill harper is bringing the book to a bookstore near you, holding a signing, and all of your homegirls are getting fly and attending the joint to get their book signed by a cutie pie.  i was that bitch who went to the bookstore just to see her girlfriends, never gonnna buy the book, and was highly doubtful i would read it. buuuuuut despite the fact that this was the first book signing to have an AFTER-PARTY i support the idea of healthy black relationships.  maybe more book signings should have after parties … hmm … well i started thumbing thru the book on the humble and got all caught up in it!  so, then i had to ask my girlfriend if i could borrow her autographed copy.  it’s actually interesting!  i’m not into the statistics about failed black relationships … i’m interested in the personal experiences, anecdotes, testimonies, and stories.  i am intrigued about entering a black man’s brain.  a youngish (he is 38 or something), handsome, unmarried black man’s mind.  what yall be THINKIN bout?  and now that i have a glimpse …. i am LAUGHING OUT LOUD.  and laughing with God.  reading this book gives me peace in my heart.  and gives me hope in black men everywhere.  and gives me a huge dose of reality.  and of course, it makes me look at myself and ask (while laughing): am i part of the problem?! 

cop you some  (or borrow you some like i did) … conversation.  it’s time we was all at least at the MF table.

ok i’ma have to lump parts 3 and 4 together today cuz it’s bout to be sunday tomorrow and that means a new sermon which i’m sure i will want to share … so let’s wrap last week’s sermon on balance up – today.

the other places from which  we receive information to balance us:

2. the vestibular system – what is that?  that’s a lot of words for the space between your ears.  it is the canals and tubes that run fluid through your ears which help you maintain equilibrium. which is why when you get an ear infection you can lose your balance.  basically what we hear and listen to effects our spiritual balance.  you can get a spiritual ear infection aka pollution when you surround yourself with haters and negative voices.  pastor put it like this: “the more i hear God’s word while moving I will stay balanced.”   so i take that to mean as you move through the world (at often a frantic pace) and the world moves around you, focus on God’s word.  let the Lord’s words be the only sounds to infect your ear.

3. muscles & joints – muscle memory is a physical system that allows us to learn physical lessons.  for example, we might get the umbrella knocked away the first time but as the next forceful wind hits us our muscles remember to grip the umbrella tighter.  okay maybe it’s your brain that remembers but you get the point.  our spirits can function in the same way.  at some point in your life you want to learn to handle life better.  none of us want to be drug addicts.  none of us want to end up OCDing.  none of us want to be control freaks.  none of us want to be in miserable relationships.  none of us want to operate in fear.  (these are all common ways that i see grown folks ‘handling’ their lives.)  so how to handle life?   we remember … we use our memory … we learn from mistakes … and we learn to accept life.  we will recall that we have been through trying times before and everything is temporary.  at some point we don’t forget that to stay balanced you will always need some pressure.  we just have to press back and press on.

that’s it!  so one day you can say, “you should have caught me two years ago – that would have knocked me off my balance.”  or as i’d say it: “bitch, two years ago i would have ripped you a new asshole.”  now , i just try to take life as it comes.

i was hella busy at work this week and there was that little spot of rain that atlanta got.  threw me off.

soooo … balance is the blog topic for a minute OR a.k.a. ‘how do we stay standing in the face of evil and tribulation?’

well, pastor went on in the sermon to say balance depends on information received from three different places.  we only gon cover the first one today:

the eyes.

the brain needs a visual to target to focus on that is still and unchanging in order to balance the physical body.  it is the same for the spiritual realm.  if you internally focus on something that is constant and unchanging then you can regain internal balance.  pastor used the example of losing your equilibrium on a boat.  when the boat is rocking and knocking you off balance they advise you to look at the sky because it is constant and unchanging.  when life is rocking and knocking you …. you can still look at the sky because internally you can look at the Lord.  the Lord our God of the Universe is unchanging and constant. 

God never changes his opinion about you no matter how you act.  in fact, God never judges you.  God never leaves you or divorces you.  God never cheats on you.  God always forgives you.  God keeps trying to bless you.  God always wants to talk to you and will always take your calls.  God never outgrows you.  God doesn’t talk about you behind your back.  God always believes you can.  God stays the same in character.  God’s love never changes.

the sermon was amazing yesterday.  ridicu-tarded!!  i thought my heart and my brain would explode.  pastor broke it DOWN.  it was about balance.  and at first i’m thinking this is simple.  we all know we need that.  and he started by mentioning some of those things we always hear that we have to balance.  “can’t be all work, work, work.”  and it “can’t be all play, play, play,”  but then he went into other areas … how we can’t have faith without works and vice versa.  how we can’t have the spirit without the word and vice versa (you know that notion – can’t be all ‘feeling’ the holy spirit there has to be inellectual interpretation of the word).   how we can’t have love without law and vice versa.  for love without law he used the example of a parent disciplining a child.  law can be substituted with discipline or boundaries.  when a parent disciplines a child it should be balanced with love.  and love for your child should be balanced with discipline of your child.  he also referenced webster’s:  balance is an instrument for weight, physical equilibrium, the act of bringing into harmony and proportion.  what does this have to do with the Lord you might ask?  it was explained like this:  the Lord will use strength to GET you up but the Lord uses balance to KEEP you up.  in other words, balance is a one-word answer to an eternal question:   how do we stay standing in the face of evil and tribulation? 

i’m going to break this sermon down in parts … mouth-size bites so you can chew on this topic bit by bit.  it’s a doozy!!  part two is tomorrow.

i put rubbing alchohol on pimples that are newly formed.  i mean i’m not really perfect – i do get them on occasion.  just dip a q-tip in the bottle and then dab the offending spot.   works on the big red ones.  it just acts like a strong astringent.  sucking the juices out and drying the flesh.  sometimes God puts rubbing alchohol on my life.  sucking the impurities out.  leaving me to dry in the sun aka patience.  rubbing alchohol is a test of patience.  sometimes you have to sit with the ugly pimple and just let it slowly subside.  kind of like heartache.  i wish i could jump in a pool of rubbing alchohol.  right now.

i want to give you a glory to God update.  on july 2nd i wrote a blog about how God was bout to deliver me.  i was hired (and thereby delivered from poverty) on july 18th or something like that.  16 day delivery.  but She had already done it …  i think i had my sixth interview on july 15 or so.  i started work on august 3rd. 

God is restoring all that stuff i talked about in that blog … cash, clothes, toes … but now i’m focused on the way the wind blows.  

i want to thank my loved ones who wrote such beautiful testimonial comments on that blog.  and everyone else who believed in me.  trusted in me.  loved me.  loaned to me.  unconditionally.  during a time when old friends turned on me.  showed me their stiff backs.  doubted me.  distrusted me.  lied on me.  cursed me out.  questioned me.  talked behind my back about me.  and disappeared on me.  i’d like to thank those folks too.  for reminding me that what others say and think is like vapor.  for showing me what real friends and family are.  for giving me a chance to be more graceful, more forgiving, more patient, and more compassionate.  for making me mentally and emotionally stronger. 

i was probably at the lowest financial point of my adult life … and people still put their foot on the back of my neck … but i really believe that they knew not … what they did.  they were only focused on their own pain.   i was in a new city with no family working at a job i had never done before.  and people i’ve loved for a hundred years had no patience for me and could not – with their mouths or actions - support me.  God bless them all!

16 days, 31 years, 1 1/2 boyfriends, 18  jobs, 6 interviews, 5 friends, 1 sister, 1 daughter, 365 prayers, 10 days notice,  ….. infinite loves.  1 God. who always delivers.

one hour a day.  devoted to your dream?  i always liked this dude.  he wrote a book that changed my life — the war of art.

i’m tired but i’ll plant a seed. 

i wonder … when this feeling will go away.  how does my garden grow.

all i have to say about the VMAs is that i think solange knowles a.k.a. beyonce’s sister has a new bad ass haircut.  i have no words for kanye, lady gaga, kid cuddi, or that “hip hop band” they had on stage.